Milk Machine

This is another "read at your own risk" posts since it talks about boobs! 

Breastfeeding is HARD.  In the first two weeks of Woodrow's life, I think I talked to/texted with/emailed more people about my boobs than I have in my entire life.  I talked to family members and friends, some who I knew had trouble with breastfeeding and others who I'd consider experts in the subject.  Here's the thing, out of everyone I talked to, even my so called experts, I think they all said it was hard and painful at some point.  So, why don't we women talk about this more?  Most women who have had children are quick to offer up advice about pregnancy and childbirth (especially details related to their lady bits being ripped open and having to be sewn back together), so why leave the boobs out of the discussion???

When I was pregnant with Theo, Mason and I attended all these classes at the hospital, including a course on breastfeeding.  The lactation consultant made it sound so easy, especially when accompanied with pamphlets and videos where it looks so simple if you do x,y, and z.  I thought I was doing okay while I was in the hospital with Theo, but I definitely didn't ask for any help, or want to admit that it really hurt.  After a few more (failed) attempts at home, I finally decided the kid just needed food, so I tried giving him a bottle of formula, which he spit up entirely!  I had a pump that one of my mom's friends had given me, and I tried it out.  It worked, Theo got breastmilk, and from then on I exclusively pumped.  I pumped exclusively for 10 months, even when I went back to work, and I was also able to store between 6000-7000 ounces of breastmilk in two deep freezers.  So, even after 10 months of pumping, I was able to give Theo breastmilk for an additional 8 months.  I ended up donating some "under the table" to a woman in need in Shreveport, and we transported some to Minot in our move.

Fast forward to being pregnant with Woodrow.  I was scared about breastfeeding!  It was on my mind a lot during the pregnancy.  I felt like I had been a disappointment initially with Theo, but then I ended up being REALLY PROUD of how I was able to do so well with pumping, even when I just wanted to quit.  So, my plan was to try breastfeeding, and speak up at the hospital about getting help this time, but I think in my mind, I was still set on pumping again, because I knew I could be successful with it, it wasn't painful for me, and I hoped I could feed Woodrow and build supply again, like with Theo.  My goal again is for Woodrow to have breastmilk for at least 18 months.

In the hospital I was really verbal about asking for help from the nurses and they were patient and kind to me.  Woodrow was able to get a better latch on the right side and so my milk came in faster on that side, but once it came in on the left, holy moly!  I took a picture (that I'll spare you from), but I joke that it could be in National Geographic...this little tiny baby head and huge boob! I felt like Woodrow was getting milk this time, as opposed to when I was trying to feed Theo, but youch!  It really hurt.  I read and read and read, and asked so many questions of my friends, and prayed about it all.  It was just really tough.  The second day, I had a HUGE meltdown.  Bawling my eyes out and just so upset because I felt like I was failing at my one job as mother at that point- to feed my baby.  Mason was really supportive and kind.  The HUGE meltdowns continued on and off once we got home, and again Mason and my friend Andrea were so encouraging to me.  Here I was now feeling like if I switched to pumping I'd be failing, but my Andrea told me that it was like a win either way because I knew I had been successful with pumping. 

One night, I was finally able to just talk out all my feelings with Mason and just being able to talk through what I was feeling helped.  I talked out all the different options and it just made me feel better, and blessed to have such an amazingly supportive husband who is great enough to even discuss feeding options for his children, especially when it's a discussion involving sore nipples, and tender breasts.  My friend Lisa also brought me some Soothies one night, which were a BIG help in addition to the Lanolin cream I was already using. 

After about two weeks, things started getting better and less painful.  Now after almost a month, I've been breastfeeding the majority of the time, but I also have to pump about 3 times a day just to relieve myself.  This is helping to also build a supply of breastmilk for when I decide to switch to just bottles.  However, it also allows me to leave bottles at home in case I go out and Mason needs to feed the baby.  Crazy as it sounds the goal is to store about 6720 ounces, or there about.  That's if I end up feeding for 10 months.  We'll just see how it all plays out and I'm trying to not think too much about the future and just focus on the fact that I'm grateful breastfeeding is working out so well right now.  I overcame one fear yesterday, and fed Woodrow outside of the house!  It was twice in the parked car, with the boppy (which I'm pretty sure I can't feed the child without) but it was still a big thing for me.  Not sure I'll ever really be comfortable feeding in front of anyone else, even with a nursing cover, but we'll see...it's been a month.  :) 

Items I couldn't survive without on this endeavor:
Boppy
Burp Cloths- lots
Breastpads
Soothies
Lanolin cream
Good Nursing Bras: This time I have 3 different kinds of varying support. 
Pump
Breastmilk storage bags
Deep Freezer
Dr. Brown's bottles

Advice: 
Do what is best for YOU!  Don't feel pressure from society or what others may tell you to do.  Take their advice and ultimately do what works for you and your family. 

Seek comfort and advice from friends.  Let them support you even when you feel like they are sick of you talking about your boobs.  I'm SO GRATEFUL for all of my friends and family who listened to me, encouraged me, and were supportive to me even when I was whiny, or cried through reading their advice because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. 

Cry if you need to!  I couldn't hold back if I wanted to.  I cried almost every feeding at first, but now I don't really cry at all.  It's gotten much better. 

Lean on your spouse or support system.  I couldn't have done this without my mom's help while she was here, and without Mason's continual support and love.  He's an amazing man!