For the love of James

A few weeks ago the PWOC group here started their new bible study, James: Mercy Triumphs, and I thought I would get back into  the routine of going to bible study.  Honestly, they meet from 9-11am, and sometimes it's hard for us to be out the door and functioning by 9am; however, it's worked out for the past few weeks of the study that we were up and ready to go.  I was active in this group last year, took the summer break, and then was just busy in the Fall and the study was a little overwhelming to me.  I enjoy meeting with the women on a weekly basis, and thankfully Theo and Woodrow have done well in the nursery.  Especially Woodrow.  Last year, he was able to stay with me, but now he's hanging with the big kids. Away from mom, which can be very tough for him at times. 

I've attempted to read the bible a few times in my life.  I know I started several times in college, because I could.not relate to all the "biblical symbolism" in my English courses and it was very frustrating!  Somehow I always seem to get stuck in Exodus with Moses on the Mount.  I'd still like to read it all the way through at some point-I just haven't devoted my attention to it.  Since this study is all about the book of James, I figured I had to start by at least reading it, and I have to say, it really spoke to me.  Lots of times I feel as though I'm still figuring out my beliefs when it comes to God and religion, but I like James.  He had good, applicable stuff to say.  James 1:19 "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

Wow!  I've heard this before since it is commonly quoted, but with Beth Moore's study, these words have been pounded in to me.  So, why is it so hard to stick?!  Right before this study started, I had also subscribed to a free bible study on the Proverbs 31 site, that was focusing on the book Keep it Shut.  I figured that someone was sending me a message loud and clear there my mouth is something I need to be focusing on these days.

It's hard.  I can't quite pin-point all the feelings I've been having lately, but somedays I just feel like a complete mess.  I am quick to anger at my children.  I'm quick to anger at my husband.  Sometimes I feel great and happy, and other times just want to be left alone (when that's not really an option).  I need a reboot.  Maybe it's February in winter that's got me down, the many things on my mind that I have no control over...I don't know...

Mason is great about compartmentalizing feelings and different areas of his life.  I'm awake until all hours, because I can't possibly sleep with so many thoughts floating around up there.  I feel like I can organize all aspects of my life, except this brain of mine.  This week when I've allowed my emotions and things I can't control get the best of me, and put wedges in places they don't need to be, I've tried to reflect on how to be better and how to let things go, and how to keep my mouth shut when nothing really needs to be said to anyone else-but it's an ongoing struggle.