The Countdown

Right now is an emotional time for our family, as we prepare for a separation.  Mason will be leaving in approximately two weeks for Barksdale AFB where he'll be in training at Weapons School.  He'll be gone for five months.  His start date is early on February 2nd, and they'll fly out to Nellis AFB in Las Vegas for a week of training, and then back to Barksdale for four months, and then they'll spend the last month out at Nellis again, and all who complete the training will graduate the end of June.  (I can give these details because this isn't a deployment, or huge security breech).

Five months is a really long time to be separated.  Five months is Woodrow's entire lifetime.  Honestly, this is going to be the longest that Mason and I will have been separated in the last 12 years we've been together.  We consider ourselves lucky that we haven't had to face a longer (consecutive) separation prior to this, and that it isn't as long as some military separations, but for our family of four, five months is a long time.  In my world that's a lot of days as a single parent, in Mason's world, that's a lot of days working 16-18 hours with no breaks, in Theo's world it's an eternity, and for Woodrow, let's hope he just stays an easy baby.

There's a lot of emotions that come when preparing for a long separation.  Mason was chosen for this program last Spring, and due to cut backs they cancelled the class he was supposed to be in last July.  All in all, the timing is working out better for him be to gone now, but it's been a long time talking about Weapons School and preparing for class.  Mason's had the stress of preparing for the class, studying, working with others who are going to complete their pre-class workbook, he's also had to maintain his normal workload as a flight commander and instructor pilot.  All that on top of putting up with a wife who requests he spend time with us on the weekends and at night when he can.  This creates a stressed and tired Mason.

I am the worrier.  I worry about being a supportive wife to Mason while he's gone, even after a hard day here.  I wonder if I can be the best mom to my kids when I don't get a break.  The slightest things can create an emotional upset during this time.  The other night when I was rocking Woodrow to sleep, I was reading a magazine article in a parenting magazine about how at 5 months, a baby starts to develop object permanence.  They'll understand that something or someone will return if it disappears for awhile (like with peek a boo).  I'm pretty sure that after bawling for another 20 minutes I emerged from Woodrow's room, and told Mason he had to spend as much time with Woodrow as possible before he left so that Woodrow doesn't forget him.  Fortunately Woodrow LOVES Mason and lights up when he sees him, and little techno baby can already recognize faces on Skype, so he'll have some connection to Mason. His Daddy doll also arrived today so he'll have a Daddy to chew on.

We've been talking with Theo about how Daddy is going to Louisiana for training, and he'll be gone a long time.  Mason went there in November for a week, so we talked about it then, and our friends moved back there, so he has some reference of this so called Louisiana place.  Theo has been getting really attached to Mason in the last month or two, and it breaks my heart to think about Theo not having his Daddy around because he just lights up when he hears the garage door open and when he first gets to see Mason each day.

I think I've had a lot of judgements made about me for not going with him.   Mason will tell people I'm one of the spouses who "gets it."  I know that Weapons School means working 14+ hour days, 6 or more days a week.  To pack up my family to live in a hotel room for 5 months, when we'd only see him maybe one day a week, would just be crazy.  Sure I'd LOVE to see Mason and be with him for that time, but I don't want him to feel distracted from Weapons School.  I don't want to disrupt my kids lives from their routines, toys, friends, house, when they might not even see their Dad.  Anyone who has been through Weapons School has told me that I"m making a good decision and I value their opinions.  Whether we'll visit or not, will depend on a lot of factors.  Honestly the biggest one at this time is Theo.  If it's going to hurt Theo more to see Mason for a few days and then be torn away from him again, we won't visit.  If Mason just doesn't have the time, we won't visit.  It's going to be hard, but we'll make it work.  I do hope to visit family in Evanston/Chicago for a period of time sometime in the Spring.  Some of that will depend on our schedule/routine here and weather.

Most spouses that have gone through Weapons School tell me this is worse than any deployment they've experienced.  We're going to try to stay positive, but I know this will be a tough five months. So for now, any good vibes you have to send our way are appreciated, and don't mind me if you see me and I'm having an emotional day.