Today was hard. I have found myself once again in a familiar position where I volunteer my time and get too emotionally invested. It's hard for me as a planner/organizer/controller to have the carefree attitude at times, especially when my name will be associated with something being "messed up." When events are being coordinated I want all the i's dotted and t's crossed, so sometimes it's hard to sit back and let others work on a slower/less organized time line. It never fails that sometimes issues come a head and that creates tension into the land of passive aggressiveness. This morning I was washing dishes, almost saying out loud, how did I allow myself to get here again. I remember this happened in Minot and I really had to back out of a lot of volunteer positions, which is tough because it contradicts my wanting to really be a window to other military spouses. Yet, here I am finding it hard to work with certain people, forcing myself to put up a front about who I am and not voice my opinions, and really just realizing (especially like weekends like we just had) that there's certain people I want to focus on building relationships with and others who I don't. But, I agreed to do a job, so I have to see it through. Tomorrow will be better.
While today was hard, I kept thinking on how amazing the weekend we just had was. We spent both days at different beaches with our kiddos and some friends joined in on part of the fun each day. We've got our beach routine down and while it can be a little messy and chaotic it's so calming to just be by the ocean and watching my children play in the sand and the water. I don't always get through as many pages in my book as I would like, but these times with my family are fleeting. I'm not sure how we are ever going to fit into "normal" life again. Sometimes it feels like we're living in a permanent vacation. While Guam does have certain challenges, especially recently, it continues to be the most amazing assignment for our family yet.
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