Things I am trying to stay positive about...but am secretly dreading

(Note, I started writing this blog a few weeks ago on May 14th, and between starting this entry and now finishing it on May 22nd, some decisions have been made-sort of).

1. Having a baby: I am not actually too nervous about the addition to our little family but it's more the actual act of having the baby. I think that Mason and I are going to be pretty good parents, or at least will succeed and fail at various things together, and I'm sure laugh and cry about a great deal of things to come. We went to an epidural class two weeks ago, just to see what it was all about, and the hospital encourages you to go if you think you might be getting an epidural. We also went to the class early in the pregnancy since Mason might be deploying and miss when some of the other classes are offered. I am still debating the whole natural vs. epidural thing...but that's another discussion, and one which I need to do some more research/talking to the doctor about.

2. Deployment: When I started writing this blog post, Mason's deployment was very up in the air and in fact was changing on a daily basis. At this point, I think that we have figured out the "details" of the next few months. So instead of filling everyone in on all the details/changes that have been stressful these last few weeks, I'll instead comment on what is actually happening. It looks as though Mason will head out of town soon so that he can begin Aircraft Commander Upgrade Class (AC Upgrade) in the Fall. Although am not looking forward to Mason being gone the next few months, I'm glad that he (should) be home for BK's birth and will have a (hopefully) less hectic schedule while he is in Upgrade. Now it's just trying to get through the next lil bit trying to fit in "couple time" while having to pack, go to meetings, work, etc, etc, etc...

3. School: I always thought that when I got pregnant that there would be no doubt in my mind that I would be a stay-at-home mom. I've been really struggling the past few months trying to decide about whether I wanted to go back to work in the Fall or if I wanted to stop teaching and stay home for sure. There are so many pros and cons to each side of the coin. I feel like my students (although frustrating at times) are my kids too and that I feel this need to be there for them while they are finishing high school. Yet, I feel like moments with my baby only will happen once in a lifetime. I also had to weight the fact that I am due in early October, so if I went back to school I would essentially work a few weeks, be off until January and then just have to "get through" the Spring semester. There have been so many discussions, sleepless nights, and unsettled feelings about this topic, but I think for now I will be going back to school in the Fall. I'm hoping this is the right decision for now.